To my surprise, it was recently announced that I, Blake Fought, was selected by TIME Magazine to be their Person of the Year. Needless to say, I was honored beyond comprehension. After all, I was influential in a handful of local issues during the spring and have done a tremendous job with the Sports section of The Tartan. But to be named TIME's Person of the Year? Wow, what an honor.

Yes, I know that everyone else on the planet with a breath in their body was technically named Person of the Year as well but through emails to my Radford University account, TIME has informed me that the "everyone else" part was merely an addition to make everyone else feel special. I was their primary selection.

What exactly I will do with this tremendous honor, I am still on the fence on. Certainly, I won't be going out on a major drinking binge and engaging in any promiscuous activity with TIME for Kids' Person of the Year like some other people in today's headlines. Something like that would generally be considered grounds for losing my title and I certainly do not want that. Without this title, how could I get my .25 discount at McDonald's? This award means so darn much.

What I intend to do is use this honor for the good of mankind. Perhaps, if I'm lucky, I can get you all free coupons at Piper's Grill to help take the "outrageous" prices down a step to the "arm-and-a-leg" level. I know a great number of people around RU who would enjoy that and I intend to serve my fellow man. You, the little people, are what I stand for.

To be totally honest (and I can be now that I already have my title in tow), what sense would it make for TIME to make everyone the Person of the Year? What a simply cheesy concept. Everyone!? Apparently TIME forgot that by making everyone the Person of the Year, it just made Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden and Ryan Seacrest 2006's Person of the Year. What nonsense.

Sarcasm aside, the decision to make everyone Person of the Year is just downright nutty. Sure, their basis for handing the award out to everyone was because "[they] control the Information Age", but what major development occurred since 2005 to lead TIME to think that it needed to hand out such an award to everyone? Sure, YouTube became a major player in the world of information, entertainment and new releases of the Numa Numa but was that seriously enough to constitute making everyone the Person of the Year? I certainly think not.

And so, to remove all of the confusion and what-not, I believe it would make a whole lot more sense to go with TIME's original plan to have Blake Fought the Person of the Year. As a result, I would like to give out my thanks for being able to receive this award. I'd like to thank God, my girlfriend, my family, TIME Magazine and well, the rest of the people on the list just aren't that important ... so I'll skip them. Sorry folks!

And with that, my sarcasm streak for the day (or for this hour at the very least) is over. It was fun, dear readers. If you honestly want to read about TIME's odd awarding of Person of the Year to everyone, here's a link.

Photo Credit: 2006 Cover (TIME Magazine), Blake Cover (Blake Fought)