The United States Supreme Court has been arguably full of the greatest geniuses over the course of its history. Now pause a moment before you scoff at the previous statement - it is indeed true! As true as there are 710 words in this article (Go ahead and check, you doubters!) Let's take a moment to review some of the Court's greatest rulings, shall we?

Griswold v. Connecticut (1965) - glory of glories! Scientists discover a tiny, microscopic line in the Bill of Rights written by Thomas Jefferson in secret that establishes a "right to privacy." Liberals everywhere rejoice, praising Justice William O. Douglas for handing over the Constitution to scientists so that the "right to privacy" could be discovered while at the same time bashing Justice Hugo Black for stating that there was no such right listed in the Bill of Rights. In fear that those who would agree with Black would desire to examine the Constitution to find the elusive right, the original copy of the document is hidden in the bathroom of the Supreme Court building, disguised as toilet paper.

Epperson v. Arkansas (1968) - established that religion is bad, unless that religion is evolution, the great gift man gave to himself when he built the universe out of elbow grease and a contract by an unidentified contracting group not named Halliburton (Those darn Halliburtonites!). In this case, an Arkansas biology teacher was offended to find that the state banned the teachings of evolution in the classroom. Equally shocked that they nearly missed stopping by the local CVS Pharmacy to pick up some band-aids to patch up a hemorrhage in their hearts, the justices decided that the ban was unconsitutional and allowed the public education system become the Church of Evolution. Liberals everywhere rejoice as current and future youths will be allowed to learn about the greatest faith ever (And promise to change the schools' various Codes of Conducts to institute appropriate punishments for any act of heresy by students attempting to claim evolution to be false and use facts to back up their claims.)!

Roe v. Wade (1973) - the right to murder the unborn. The Court rules that it is a-ok to slice and dice away at unborn fetuses even though they are living beings because of the right to privacy that the great Justice Douglas discovered in '65. Liberals everywhere rejoice but the celebration is cut short when a giant tree is cut down to build an abortion clinic in California.

Colautti v. Franklin (1979) - another case dealing with abortion, this time regarding a law passed in Pennsylvania that required doctors performing abortions to try to save the life of an aborted fetus if it is determined that the fetus is viable. The Court strikes down the law, mostly because the justices determined that if they allowed a link between the words "viable" and "fetus," to squeak by, their decision on abortion a few years ago might look silly because, after all, these living fetuses aren't alive and therefore are not viable. Liberals everywhere rejoice because they avoid looking silly and if they had, that would so not be cool.

Edwards v. Aquillard (1987) - the Court makes sure to put an end to opponents of Epperson, who this time tried to pass a law saying that it was ok to teach both Creationism and evolution in the classroom but did not require the teaching of either of them, by reminding them that it would be silly to teach both Creationism and evolution in the Church of Evolution even if the teaching would be done on a volunteer basis. Liberals everywhere rejoice.

Hamdan v. Rumsfeld (2006) - much like the 1965 case, the Court discovers a secret line written on the Constitution during a bathroom break that basically gives Gitmo detainees the rights listed in the Geneva Convention even though they never signed Geneva nor recognize it out on the field of war. Liberals everywhere (and namely, the ACLU) rejoice but make sure to mark down on their schedules that they need to attack Chicago Sun-Times writer Mark Steyn, who challenged the grand ruling by the grand court.

See, great rulings, each and all!

(Photo Credit: http://www.checkprogram.com/Gavel-Hi%20Res.jpg)