Well, well, well, dear readers. You all are in luck. There was a slew of articles to search through this week in the trash heap of news articles. So, for this third edition of this series here on RUnderground, there are even more instances here of the more interesting and bizarre stories of the week. Enjoy!

9. Add parrots to the list of beings who have had to go through police interrogation. Pepo the parrot was held in a prison in Argentina for five days after a judge ordered the bird to be held in police custody. What exactly were the cops trying to get out of the parrot? The name of his real owner, Jorge Machado. After finally breaking under the intense pressure, the bird finally released his owner's name and sung the fight song of his favorite football team San Lorenzo. After hearing about the bird's inability to hold under the pressure, Machado said, "I knew he wasn't going to let me down, he is a real friend and we support the same football team." Personally, I think the bird is a pansy. Five days? Please, I could have done better than that easily.

8. It's bad when you get arrested for third-degree assault, domestic violence and child abuse as well as having a blood alcohol level of 0.40 percent when you are arrested by the police. It's even worse when you are the mayor of a small town in northern Colorado by the name of Ault. James Fladung was arrested April 29 on those charges. Even worse, the arrest affidavit stated that officers "observed the (Breathalyzer) results climbing at a rapid rate, reaching above 0.4 (percent)." The machine was "moving too fast for the officer to read and the machine shut off and would not turn back on, as if it was broken." Fladung's bond was set at $3,000. His family refused to pay to help him sober up.

7. Needless to say, Pastor Raymond Bell was ticked when he said, "You can hold a concert here, serve beer and get drunk. It's only when you cross the threshold of religion does the special permit pop up." The permit Bell is referring to was a recent order by Bedford County that religious services at Moneta-based Cowboy Church come to an end. The Church has been holding services for six weeks at the time of the article's release and the County told the land owner that holding religious services there was illegal because the land wasn't zoned for religious meetings and that they would need a special permit to hold church services. Talk about an anti-Christian move by a bunch of morons at Bedford County. The next thing you know, they'll be demanding prayer zones be set up. Oh how the anti-Christian parade marches on.

6. If you're driving around the city of Detroit, you better not be talking on a cell phone. Why? Because the City Council of Detroit approved a cell phone ban by a vote of 8-1 this past Wednesday. While the move will allow drivers to use hands-free phones, anyone caught using a cell phone will be ticketed and fined if Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick decideds to approve the ban instead of shooting it down.

5. The phrase "all-you-can-eat" at a Iowa Chinese buffet may be a bit misleading after a woman by the name of Wendy Dershem and her family were banned from the buffer for wasting food. Dershem was kicked out along with her boyfriend and two kids by Dragon House buffet manager Kent Cao. His cashier, Line Huyen said, "They just take one bit and throw it away. They take four egg rolls and crab rangoon, take one bite of egg roll and throw the whole plate. That is wasting food." Needless to say, the next time anyone else goes to Dragon House, their plate better sparkle before and after the eat their meal ... or else.

4. Here's a new word for your dictionary: pimpfant. Yeah, if you were smart enough to guess that the word is a mix of "infant" and "pimp," you managed to figure out what this story is about. The pimpfant look is a new line of fashion that sports phrases such as "Baby Beater," "Jr. Pimp Squad" and "My Mom is a MILF." Splendid. Why not try some other ideas like "Future Whore" or "One Day I'll Cost a Couple Thousand?" Simply put, it's the new white trash look for kids. No way these kids are crying out for these clothes. It's the trashy parents and trashy designers who make these. Shame on the parents, shame on the designers and shame on the stores who sell this filth.

3. Public school kids probably do not read this site but still, some news came out recently that concerns them. Although most public schoolers are not capable of truly associating themselves as a Democrat or Republican, they sure can find a reason to hate former President William Jefferson Clinton after what the Clinton Foundation did recently. Although it may not be as extreme as lying about sexual relations with certain interns, the Clinton Foundation managed to work out a deal with Cadbury Schweppes PLC, Coca-Cola, PepsiCo Inc. and the American Beverage Association to bring an end to nearly all soda sales in public schools. No longer will students be able to pick up a icy cold Dr. Pepper after the last bell rings and the annoying block on soda sales that runs out at the end of the school day. Instead, students will be able to select from water, unsweetened juice and low fat milk at the elementary and middle school levels. High schools will serve diet-only drinks, yee-ha! So there you have it, kids. Good 'ole Bill has managed to swipe away your right to the delicious goodness of a cold Coke. And you still want to vote Democrat, ha!

2. I think the title of this article says it all - "Man With Prosthetic Legs, Deaf Man Brawl." Yeah. You heard that right. Want the details? Apparently these two guys drove around for hours after having met in a bar earlier in the day and the fellow with the prosthetic legs, 52-year-old Kent Hisey, got upset with James Mills because of his inability to provide proper directions to where they were trying to go. As you probably guessed, Mills, 46, is deaf. After the pair reached the Porter County Airport, Hisey stepped out of the vehicle and used his walker to get to the passenger side where Mills was, pulled him out of the car and shoved the deaf man onto the ground. Hisey's blood-alcohol level was marked at 0.16 percent, double the threshold for drunk driving in the state of Indiana. Both men were held in the local jail after the brawl.

1. As much as we complain about gas prices, all of the other necessities of life are generally accepted to be reasonably priced. If you want cheap food, there's fast food. If you want expensive food, there's expensive restaurants. Milk is a bit pricey these days but it's still passable. All-in-all, things are easy to get here in America, even toilet paper. Ah, but not in Zimbabwe. No, this is not a political statement about how bad things are in Africa like NBC's ER has seemed to have been doing recently (I watched the past few episodes because there was nothing else on during that timeslot and I was very bored), it's an interesting thing I found searching this week. Picture going to your local Wal-Mart and paying $417 for toilet paper and not per roll as you might think. Nope, for a mere four hundred and seventeen Zimbabwean dollars, you can purchase one two-ply sheet of the white stuff. Want an entire roll? (Cue the infomercial music...) It's yours for just three easy payments of just $48,583 or $145,750 all in one easy to make payment. Yeah, inflation is that bad out there. God be with those people.